![]() ![]() He proposed an "atomic theory" with spherical solid atoms based upon measurable properties of mass. John Dalton (1766-1844) is the father of the chemical atomic theory. (para Dichloro Diphenyl Trichloroethane is the the full name for DDT) He is regarded by many as the harbinger of experimental science. Many were cheats but some like Roger Bacon, though didn't "make" gold, made many worthwhile scientific discoveries like gunpowder and optic devices and had many interesting ideas about flying machines. "That's it, I can never remember that word."Ī physical chemist is a student who goes to university thinking he might want to be a physicist, but gets intimated by the math.įor hundreds of years alchemists tried to change metals such as lead into gold. "You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist. At least it can serve as a negative example.Īny delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.Ī chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" Teamwork is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.Īll unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.ĭo not believe in miracles - rely on them. If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question. To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.Įxperiments must be reproducible, they should fail the same way each time.įirst draw your curves, then plot your data.Įxperience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.Īlways keep a record of your data. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. They were underived, indivisible, and indestructible. He held that all things were composed of atoms these he asserted to be tiny particles, imperceptible to the senses, composed of exactly the same matter but different in size, shape, and weight. His theory of the nature of the physical world was the most advanced up to his time. Organic chemistry is the study of carbon compounds biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that wriggle.Īn organic chemist turns into a foul odor.Īn analytical chemist turns into a procedure.Ī physical chemist turns into a straight line.Īn ancient Greek philosopher. ”I zinc we are done because all the other jokes ar-gon!”.Nick: "Well then we will have to make the cat-a-lyst!".Julian: "I don't think we'll be able to remember them all".Nick: "We need to get so many things for our cat".Nick: "This man-ga-nese a belt!" (read as man needs).Julian: "My trousers keep falling down!"."You're too easily lead" (read as lead)." A-mine the other one" (read as I mean)."A friend of mine pierced his tung-sten" (read as tongue)."Keep your i-on the ball" (read as eye on).“How many have we done sul-phur?” (read as so far)."That was so-dium good" (read as so damn). ![]() "Can you iron my shirt please?" (read as iron)."Would you like a polo-nium t?" (read as polo mint)."Did he have a car-bon?" (read as car bomb)."Pick it up off the fluor-ine!" (read as floor)."I can't be arsenic-ed!" (read as arsed)."That's a pro-phosphorous idea!" (read as preposterous)."I think your website is beryllium!" (read as brilliant).She said, "Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights." One kid popped up, "Yeah, but teach, there were so few of them back then. A chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic Table of the Elements. ![]()
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